For the past six years, summer meant working at the beach club flipping burgers. It went from: getting my first summer job, to saving money each summer for the upcoming semester, to last summer, when the money was being saved to move off Long Island. This summer, I melted in the Virginia heat. My girlfriend was working in D.C., I got a bone bruise on my knee, and the AC in my 2001 Ford Focus (crank windows) didn’t work. But the worst thing about this summer was not having Bill Simmons in my life.
I found solace in other podcasts and columnists; but Joe Rogan and Zach Lowe aren’t The Sports Guy, not to me. I haven’t been following those guys since middle school, since before I even worked at the beach club. I could hardly comprehend the NBA finals and ensuing free agency without guidance from BS. As a Yankees fan, not getting to hear “complex litigation, this is John.” was just unfair, especially this year. What does Cousin Sal think about Christine Michael?! More importantly, how full is Sal’s answering machine? The red light is blinking:
Cousin Sal, Sports Guy here. Year 2 at QB for my BFF/emergency contact, Steady-Teddy-Bear-Bridgewater. Jordy Nelson done for the year, Alshon Jeffrey’s calf cramped up in the middle of the night or he blew it off with a firework, can’t remember which is true, maybe both. Anyway, things are looking up for Teddy, have you seen how he looks in that purple uniform? He’s like a young Dule Hill… man he was great in Disney’s Holes. Alright, I gotta run, I accidently wandered into the middle of an American Ninja Warrior course, WHAT’s THAT… uh-oh, it’s SAM SANN… and he’s wearing Princess Leia’s metal bikini! HE’s COMING RIGHT AT ME… SALMON LADDER HERE I COME… SPORTS GUY, OVER AND OUT!!!
This doesn’t even scratch the surface of things that would’ve been covered in a full summer of columns and BS Reports. There was the women’s World Cup, Deflategate, this week’s Mike and Mike interview with Roger Goodell, the post Mad Men finale podcast with Chuck Klosterman, Chuck Klosterman talking with Bill about all of these things, and MR ROBOT!!!
I’m sure there are things that I’ve left off. But I think I’ve made myself clear. I miss ya, BS, and I’m excited for you to come back on HBO. The Mailbags during the NFL season have always been a staple of my football experience. In an attempt to do my part, and keep myself sane now that all of my fantasy drafts and auctions have past, here are my week 1 picks. (spreads via footballlocks)
THURSDAY NIGHT:
STEELERS at PATRIOTS (-7)
There is only one fan base angrier about Mike and Mike’s Roger Goodell interview than Pats fans, and it’s Steelers fans. Two days before they are supposed to go into Foxborough, with Le’Veon Bell serving the first of a two game suspension, Roger “I didn’t think he could do anything else to make Patriots fans mad at him” Goodell goes on a national radio show and dredges up the last Patriots scandal.
To be fair, the chip on the Patriots shoulder going into this season was already at 98%, which is unusually high for a team fresh off winning the Lombardi Trophy. After this, that chip is teetering at about 99.9%. Don’t think Bill Belicheck isn’t aware of the spread. He wants to win this game in every possible way, including covering, and ruining the dreams of anyone foolish enough to bet on the Steelers in his house.
The weather is looking iffy for Thursday night, which is all the more reason to bet on the Pats. Without Le’Veon, the Steelers are going to have 32 year old D-Willy toting the rock for them. While I’m hoping he scores a TD and pretends to pump up the ball in celebration, I’m not seeing it being enough to stop the hellbent Patriots from running it up.
SUNDAY AFTERNOON:
GREEN BAY(-6.5) at CHICAGO
As an owner of Alshon Jeffery in multiple fantasy leagues, I find myself unusually angry at John Fox. I never had a reason not to like you before, John. You have a cool name, and I always respected you as a coach when your Panthers would matchup with the Giants. That said, what are they hoping to gain by playing Jeffrey’s injury like this? Are the Packers really going to be thrown? This is the NFL. Teams prepare for everything and more each week.
I’m not really sure how a calf injury could be that bad, and this probably wouldn’t be as big of a deal if the Bears hadn’t done THE EXACT SAME THING talking about Kevin White’s shin injury, and then announced he needed surgery and may be done for the year. Whether or not Jeffrey plays though, and I’ll assume he will – see that, Bears! That’s all it takes to prepare – I don’t think they are coming away with the cover here.
I don’t think the Bears are coming away with much of anything this season. The Vikings are on the rise with the return of AD, and the Lions and Packers both made the playoffs last year. The Bears have a new coaching staff, they still have Jay Cutler, and Matt Forte will be 30 before Christmas. The one bright spot was supposed to be Jeffery.
As for the Packers, losing Jordy Nelson obviously hurts. They still have the reigning MVP, and avoided what would’ve created a serious cause for concern when it was announced that Randall Cobb’s shoulder injury was minor. Davante Adams should be due for a big sophomore season as the Packers WR2, and they reunited themselves with James Jones to give some veteran experience to their WR corps consisting of young wideouts Janis and Montgomery. Even if the Bears managed to contain the Packers receivers, I don’t think they really have an answer for Eddie Lacey. They couldn’t stop the run last year, and I don’t care what magic John Fox pulls out of his pristine white hair, they won’t be able to stop the run this Sunday.
KANSAS CITY (+1) at HOUSTON
Siphoning my buddies HBO GO account has led to my girlfriend and I becoming obsessed with Hard Knocks. It’s the first season of the show I have ever seen, and I had no idea how compelling it was. Is every season like this? Can they just do the Texans every year from now on?
I had a hard time picking this one. The strongest argument I had in favor of the Texans was, “Hard Knocks is awesome.” I understand Houston is playing at home, but my thinking is this:
- Best offensive player in this game: Jamaal Charles. With Arian Foster out, the closest thing the Texans have to an offensive beast is Deandre Hopkins, who is a budding star, but doesn’t have the best quarterback situation… which leads me to…
- Better quarterback: Chiefs. Look, this isn’t Aaron Rodgers and Andrew Luck matching up, or even Eli and Tony Romo, I get it. But Alex Smith has figured some things out with the Chiefs, and now has Jeremy Maclin to throw the ball to. Brian Hoyer is still Brian Hoyer, and until he puts it together in a full season I’m remaining skeptical.
- Best Defensive Player: JJ Watt. Moving on.
- Best Defense: Probably the Texans, but it’s pretty close. A lot of this depends on how Clowney plays this year, along with their secondary. On the Chiefs side, if Justin Houston can play like he did last year the Chiefs should remain formidable on that side of the ball. The return of safety Eric Berry also bodes well for the boys from Kansas City.
- Head Coach: Based on tenure and winning in the NFL, it’s got to be Andy Reid. Based on memes, I can’t imagine Andy Reid winning anything.
I like O’Brien too. We just haven’t seen it from him over a long period of time. He’s great on Hard Knocks, but like I said, this is the first time I’ve watched the show. I’m sure some of the other head coaches had redeeming qualities that made them seem human too (maybe not Rex Ryan). I think the Chiefs take one on the road.
CLEVELAND at NY JETS(-3)
It’s going to be bittersweet living in Virginia this football season. I won’t get to watch all of the Giants games, but at the same, time I don’t have to watch any Jets games. More specifically, I don’t have to watch THIS GAME. The Giants play enough nationally televised games, and I’ll get to see both games they play against the Washington professional football team. I think I’m coming out ahead.
When the NFL was making the schedule, I imagine they decided they couldn’t subject either of these teams to the other fan bases in the league to start the season, so they just pitted them against each other, and then built the rest of this season’s schedule around that. They had the aforementioned Washington professional football team in the mix too, and I heard they actually considered doing a round robin all year with these three teams to see who gets the first draft pick. Can’t remember what my source was…
I have a lot of pent up bitterness towards the Jets from having to watch them for my entire life, and the last three years. To be honest, I think they have some promise, and could turn things around a little bit this year. Of course, their second year quarterback getting his jaw broken by a sucker-punch from a teammate doesn’t seem promising at face-value. But, I wouldn’t be surprised if Todd Bowles somehow arranged the sucker-punch. I like Fitzmagic tossing the ball up to Brandon Marshall and Decker. Fitzpatrick was able to produce 1,000 yard 10 TD seasons for Stevie Johnson! (more on that later)
Where there is a significant lack of potential is Cleveland… I don’t have the energy to go into the reasons the Browns won’t be good this year. Perhaps as a microcosm, let’s do a quick refresher of the Trent Richardson deal. The one that seemed good all around when it happened. Maybe the Colts gave up a little much. In retrospect, the Browns got a first rounder for Trent Richardson. That first rounder I believe got traded, but in the first round of that draft they ended up with Johnny Football. I think they signed a free agent this offseason though… hold on let me check, I remember it being a name I know… Ah! Here we are, Dwayne Bowe… Oh, Cleveland. The Jets may actually run it up in this one.
INDIANAPOLIS (-3) at BUFFALO
The classic big offense versus big defense matchup. Rex Ryan is hanging outside of podiatrists offices in Buffalo now, which means an already stout defense should be even better than they were a year ago. The Bills added LeSean McCoy, which could turn out to be one of those trades where both teams win a la Clinton Portis-Champ Bailey, but I’m hesitant.
McCoy came back down to earth last year. Maybe it was Darren Sproles, I’m sure the Bills hope that’s all it was, but he is coming into week 1 with a hamstring injury lingering from the preseason. I don’t know why Chip Kelly decided to deal McCoy; it could just be because he wasn’t one of his guys, but I’m afraid that it might be he noticed something in McCoy that told him he was beginning to decline. I hope that’s not the case. Shady is electric and my life is generally better when there are Vines of him breaking linebackers ankles, especially now that he is out of the NFC east.
This offseason, the Colts skipped leg day. They took the approach of “make your strengths, stronger.” Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. They got some veteran weapons in Andre Johnson and Frank Gore for Andrew Luck, and didn’t stop with the free agents. In the first round of the draft, they took another version of T.Y. Hilton in Phillip Dorsett. They are sharpening their sword, but aren’t…. what do you do to take care of a shield? Do you wax it? Anyway, they probably could’ve done a little more to address the defensive side of the ball this offseason.
In this game I, just don’t see the Bills pulling off the upset. While Rex will have created a formidable defense, it’s still week 1 with a new coaching staff. When Rex took those Jet’s teams to the AFC title games in ‘09 and 2010, he ended up falling short when he matched up against Peyton and Big Ben. (Before you say it, I know they also beat Brady, but it’s a divisional game when it comes down to it, these things happen.) This week he’s facing Andrew Luck, and trotting out Tyrod Taylor, and I have a feeling the results will be similar.
MIAMI (-4) at WASHINGTON
It makes me a little nervous taking back-to-back road favorites, but these are two teams going in opposite directions.
There is always danger aboard the hype train, but it’s always fun, and if the hype gets backed up in regular season games, things can get wild. This is the potential track for the 2015 Miami Dolphins. They made key additions on defense and offense. They have a core of young players on their offense poised for big seasons. Lamar Miller was one of the better backs in football last year, and should only get better this year. Tannehill began putting things together, and should continue to build chemistry with second year wide receiver Jarvis Landry, coming off a strong rookie year. Also Jordan “don’t hit me in the head” Cameron, Kenny Stills, and Devante Parker. There’s a lot to be excited about in South Beach.
The makings are all there for the Dolphins to have a strong season. The problem, as always in the AFC East, is the Patriots. They could end up challenging for the division, but a wild card is more likely.
The Washington professional football team finally has their (is their too strong a word?) starting quarterback. If I were a fan, I would be so glad that the crazy RGIII drama has subsided. I would rather go 0-16 with Kirk Cousins penciled in to start the whole year then go 3-13 with RGIII playing 6.7 quarters and starting 2 games.
It’s been quite the fall from grace for RGIII. His rookie year was an incredible ride. From his first TD against the Saints, when he watched Pierre Garcon take it to the house as he sat on the turf having just been put there by a Saints D-lineman. If only Washington knew he wouldn’t get back up after every hit.
Let’s take a look at the schedule for Washington real quick: MIA, STL, @NYG, PHI, @ATL, @NYJ, TB, @NE, NO, @CAR, NYG, DAL, @CHI, BUF, @PHI, @DAL. I’m looking at maybe 6 wins. That’s the positive side too. Depending on how the Bucs and the Bills end up doing with their new quarterbacks could make that number get even smaller. It’s going to be a long season in Washington.
CAROLINA at JACKSONVILLE (+3.5)
I am weirdly excited for this game. I think the Jaguars have the potential to surprise some people this year. Gus Bradley has been there for a while now, and stability at the head coaching position when you have a guy like Bradley is definitely a good thing. Too much hinges on Blake Bortles for me to say the Jags will be anything more than frisky this year, but they have a bunch of young guys with potential at wide receiver, and TJ Yeldon can’t be worse than Toby Gerhart; and even if he is, they still have Denard Robinson on the depth chart, who proved to be a solid week to week player last year.
They get the Panthers at home in week 1 and are getting 3.5 points. Without Kelvin Benjamin, it’ll be interesting to see what they do on offense. I expect it will be a lot of Greg Olsen, and they are apparently starting Ted Ginn and Corey Brown at receiver. Jonathan Stewart is the main back now with Deangelo Williams keeping the RB slot warm for Le’Veon Bell in Pittsburg. Which is promising for fantasy owners if you pretend Jonathan Stewart isn’t injured every single season. I have hope he will get lucky and have a strong season, but the Benjamin injury hurts them.
He was a beast last year for Cam, and the Panthers are not the Packers. Randall Cobb and Eddie Lacey aren’t just hanging out with Aaron Rodgers tossing the ball around. Not having him is going to hurt. Still, Cam has had really good years… just not last year. Stewart has shown flashes… but can’t stay healthy. Maybe Devin Funchess could turn into a serviceable NFL receiver… but he’s still just a rookie, currently number 3 on the depth chart.
I think the Jaguars surprise everyone and win this game outright. Paul Posluszny is healthy and the defense last year was better than you would think. It’s hard to play solid defense when the offense can’t sustain a drive or provide hope for victory. This year, the offense should be able to do both of those things better than in 2014. People in survivor pools would do well to stay away from Carolina.
SEATTLE (-4) at ST LOUIS
St. Louis was able to take a game from Seattle last year, and I think that is one of the reasons this line is where it is. The Rams as a whole have too many holes on offense. They are very similar to the Bills because what they lack on offense they certainly make up for on defense. But, they are playing the Seahawks. That team that has been to the Super Bowl for two straight years and added Jimmy Graham and now Fred Jackson.
I am interested to see what Nick Foles does in his first year in St. Louis. After his absurd breakout year in 2013, he regressed back to the mean a little bit with his TD:INT. Still, he had the Eagles at 6-2 before his injury. I have to wonder though, how much of that success was a result of running the Chip Kelly system? Jeff Fischer is no slouch, but the Rams aren’t the Eagles when it comes to talent on offense. It will be interesting to see how Todd Gurley is coming back, and depending on how he does, the Rams could end up looking like geniuses for taking the next Adrian Peterson. I need to see it from Foles on this team before I take them against the Seahawks.
Russell Wilson is coming off a really strong year and is no longer the poster-child for best contract in the NFL. Jimmy Graham should really open up the Seattle offense. This may seem obvious, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth pointing out. They have never really had a threat like him and have made it to two straight Super Bowls. The biggest concern is that Marshawn Lynch retires in the middle of the season because a reporter offers him some M&M’s during a postgame press conference (who am I kidding, Marshawn would never go to a postgame press conference, the birds from the northwest will be just fine).
NEW ORLEANS at ARIZONA (-2.5)
The first year I ever played fantasy football, I was a sophomore in high school. My three friends and I banded together to form a 4 team league. It was awesome. I think I lost in week 1, but I can’t be sure. What I do know is that I had no idea what I was doing. My friend Nick offered me Carson Palmer and Torry Holt for Tom Brady. I didn’t know what a good fantasy game was or not. I think Tom Brady had 23 points in week 1. And, this needs to be clear, I LOVED Carson Palmer. I accepted the trade, and if you haven’t already gotten there on your own, the year was 2007. My buddy Nick ended up winning the league (he also owned Randy Moss). To be fair, in week 2 Palmer threw for 400 yards and 6 touchdowns. Then, of course, the rest of the regular season happened.
Palmer is 35 now, and coming off a major knee injury that derailed a promising season for the Cardinals. If he can stay upright and produce the way he did before his injury last year, the Cardinals should be a solid team. Like everyone else who follows football closely, I’m excited to see what John Brown does in his second season as a pro. The run game is led by Andre Ellington, who cracked under the usage of a workhorse back last year, but now has backups Johnson and Johnson. One of former Titans fame, and the other, David, a rookie from Northern Iowa who has impressed during the preseason.
This is a team that could fall apart under the wrong head coach, but Bruce Arians has proven to be one of the best in the league over the past few years. Last year, he steered the Stanton/Lindley lead Cardinals to the playoffs when his starting quarterback went down. If Arizona is healthy this year, they have a chance at a winning record. But they seem like they might just be like a contestant on American Idol who is good enough to barely make it to hollywood if the judges are in a good mood.
The Saints are a team I really have no feel for. They lost Jimmy Graham, and are planning on replacing him with a combination of last years backup tight end Josh Hill, and rookie wide receiver Brandon Coleman. They don’t have the chops on defense, and were inconsistent last year to say the least. They beat the Packers at home in week 8, and it seemed like maybe they were going to write the ship, and at the very least, start doing things in the Superdome like usual. Instead they lost their next three home games to the 49ers, Bengals, and Ravens. Ultimately they finished 7-9.
I think this is a matchup of a more complete team against a less complete team, and I’m going with Arizona.
DETROIT at SAN DIEGO (-3)
The Chargers were rolling last year on the heels of an MVP-like performance from Phil Rivers until he, ya know, broke his ribs. They took Melvin Gordon in the first round and I am sure they are hoping he ends up having a better career than the last Wisconsin running back taken by an AFC West team. At wide receiver, they added depth in the form of Stevie Johnson. It can’t be stated enough how much I love this marriage.
Philip Rivers and Stevie Johnson seem made for each other. Somehow the mix of bolo ties and joker quotes written on t-shirts just seem to work perfectly together. Johnson was able to find success in Buffalo with Ryan Fitzpatrick tossing him the ball; now he’s in San Diego playing with the best QB of his career. If he is able to stay healthy, I think he has the best year of his career. Mark it down. That means over 1,000 yards and over 10 touchdowns. He is only 28 years old and finally finds himself in a productive offense. I’m all in on Stevie!
This should be a fun game. The Lions are coming off a season where they made the playoffs and lost to begin the series of unusual finishes in the NFC playoffs. I would love to see a butterfly effect movie starring Chris Pratt as Matthew Stafford where he keeps going back in time to try and beat the Cowboys in the playoffs. But no matter what he does, the refs always make a call to lose Detroit the game. Sorry, Lions fans, and sorry Chris Pratt.
Hopefully Megatron can stay healthy for the entire season, and the Lions can make a run at winning the division. They certainly have one of the best receiving duos in the NFL with Golden Tate lining up on the opposite side. They finally dumped Reggie Bush and are looking to replace him with Ameer Abdullah. I don’t know much about Abdullah, except that he’s supposed to be fast, he had a sick run in the preseason, and everyone has forgotten Joique Bell exists.
For me, Bell is that player we all have on our fantasy team. The one who ends up on your roster every year. He’s like an old friend, or your favorite chair. He’s reliable when he’s in there, and he still exists.
TENNESSEE (+3) at TAMPA BAY
In the battle of rookie quarterbacks, I’m taking the points. On the whole, I think Tampa Bay is in line to have a more promising season. They play in a division that seems to rotate division winners every year, and they have more weapons than the Titans. Mike Evans is hobbled slightly by an injury, but should be good to go this season and will be a great security blanket for Jameis.
A lot of talk coming out of Buccaneers camp is about how good Doug Martin looked physically. After an incredibly disappointing season following up an amazing rookie campaign, Martin has seemingly gotten back into shape. He has dropped 20 pounds, and all signs point to the muscle hamster making a rebound in 2015. You have to worry though about a guy falling that far off the cliff. Maybe he returns to form, but I’m sure the Bucs are hoping he’s at least a serviceable starter. If he is, they can be a surprise team this year.
The Titans roster seems like it was built by that one guy in your auction league that decided he was going to be balanced and drafted all $15.00 players and had money left over at the end. They have some solid guys like Kendall Wright, and Delanie Walker. But they don’t seem to have any studs. Before last season, people were high on Bishop Sankey and Justin Hunter, but those two disappointed in 2014. The hope is that Mariota becomes that stud. I’m a fan of Mariota, and I think he is going to find a way to pull this game out. There are going to be a lot of turnovers by each team, and both quarterbacks are going to make mistakes. I say, Mariota is going to make less mistakes.
CINCINNATI at OAKLAND (+3.5)
This is my sleeper pick for “best game of week 1.” I think this has the potential to be a really high scoring contest that gets decided in the last five minutes. It’s going to be that game that starts to take over Twitter. It’s going to cause a lot of announcers calling other games to say “let’s go back to the studio for a game break.” Which will be followed up by the studio-guy opening up with, “It just won’t stop out here in Oakland. Here’s A.J. Green beating double coverage on his way to a 60 yard touchdown. AND THEN, on the ensuing Raiders possession, Latavius Murray breaks off a 50 yard run of his own! And the Raiders retake the lead 34-31, seven minutes to go in the fourth quarter.”
I think the Raiders have a chance to be not terrible this year. Derek Carr had his moments last year, and now Latavius Murray has the starting running back job and Amari Cooper is sporting the black and grey. I don’t see them making the playoffs, but I have a feeling Raiders fans are going to enjoy this season more than those in recent memory.
As for the Bengals, I’d like to say this is either the year they take it to the next level or regress, but I mean let’s be real. The Bengals are going to probably stay exactly the same. There are scenarios where they end up having a great season. Jeremy Hill flourishes into one of the best backs in the league during his second season, and now teams have to gameplan for him and A.J.. At the same time, almost every team can make the argument, “well if everything breaks perfectly for us…” But, the question of “Can Andy Dalton be the guy to take them to the next level?” is what is really looming over Cincinnati’s professional football team.
I have gone back and forth on Dalton over the course of his career. But, what starting quarterbacks would the Bengals not do a 1-for-1 exchange for? Let’s exclude the rookies and first year starters. The Bengals obviously take the top guys: Rodgers, Brady, Luck, Wilson, Manning (probably both), Wilson, Ben, Rivers, Romo, Ryan. They probably take Flacco. We already got rid of Mariota, Winston, and Tyrod Taylor. They probably don’t take Derek Carr, but he is essentially in that group with the young guys. Do they take Stafford? I think they probably do. They’d likely take Tannehill. We’re finding him solidly in the middle. And the Bengals aren’t getting anywhere far in the playoffs unless he takes his game up a level.
BALTIMORE at DENVER (-4.5)
With Kubiak in Denver, we are looking at a good old fashion revenge game. There’s always a little extra motivation playing your ex-team. The Ravens might seem like a cute pick here, but this is Denver, and PFM in Denver.
I like Justin Forsett for the Ravens, but he hasn’t played a full season as ‘the guy’ in his career. He is tiny for a running back, but you have to like him coming out of the backfield in a Marc Trestman offense. Then, what else does Flacco have to work with…? Steve Smith Sr. should be solid for about a month, hopefully Breshad Perriman comes back when Steve starts to slow up, but Breshad will be a rookie who hasn’t played a game in the NFL.
I have Forsett as my running back in my main fantasy league, and that combined with the Ravens being one of the local market teams, will turn me into a quasi-Ravens fan for the year. I’ll be rooting for my pick, but I wouldn’t mind if Forsett got a touchdown or two.
I feel like this year has the potential to be the beginning of a new era in some ways for the landscape of the league. There are a lot of star players who are getting older, and that fast approaching cliff looms. You never know exactly when a player is about to head over the edge, but sometimes there are signs. I’m worried Manning could be nearing that cliff. He just can’t do it forever. Right?
I mean he is Peyton Manning. One of the best quarterbacks to ever play the game of football. Even if he is nearing the cliff, he’ll know before us, and I’m sure he’ll be able to play for another four years once he spots the edge. He’ll be like one of those savvy veteran pitchers who loses his velocity, but figures out how to be just as good by mixing his pitches and hitting his spots. He may have already spotted the edge, and he may already be mixing his pitches, but I’m not about to give up on him.
SUNDAY NIGHT:
NY GIANTS (+6) at DALLAS
I don’t remember becoming a Giants fan. There was never a moment when I thought, “I pick the Giants.” It doesn’t really make sense actually. My Dad is a Cowboys fan, so I don’t know what he did wrong there. What I do remember is when the Giants lost to the 49ers in the playoffs. I think it was like 2001, and I was nine years old. They lost that game and I cried for like an hour. It was horrible. That was when I truly became a Giants fan.
I’m not sure if the Giants are going to win this game. But this is week 1, on Sunday Night, in a rivalry game. If one of the teams is getting that many points, you take the points. Of course, my being a Giants fan plays absolutely no part in me picking them. None whatsoever.
I have little to complain about having seen two improbable Super Bowl runs by Big Blue. Last year was tough until Odell Beckham Jr. made his way back from his hamstring injury. He made the team worth watching and I am beyond excited we have him. I was listening to the Grantland NFC East preview and fellow Giants fan, Bill Barnwell, was talking about how the Giants don’t get guys like that. It’s true. We really don’t, and it feels amazing to have him. It’s too bad he doesn’t also play safety… and linebacker.
The Giants defense isn’t what it was when it won those Super Bowls. And while it has been four years since the last Championship, I don’t think that pattern will continue. Though I’ll always hope.
The Cowboys maybe should’ve been in the NFC Championship, and they maybe should’ve lost to the Lions in the Wild Card Game. That’s football. This year Tony Romo is a year older, but is coming off one of the best seasons of his career, in which he played himself into the MVP conversation. They dumped Demarco Murray after he led the league in rushing, and are banking on the fact that it was the O-line who was responsible for the success. With a committee of Darren McFadden, Joseph Randle, and now Christine Michael, the Cowboys are going to try and paste together the 2,000+ yards they lost in Demarco Murray.
If they are able to figure out the ground game and keep Romo healthy, they will be right there in the mix with the best in the league. They might win this Sunday, but I like the Giants to cover.
MONDAY NIGHT:
PHILADELPHIA at ATLANTA (+3)
I’m very excited to watch this game. Fantasy interests aside, this should be an offensive exhibition. This is the debut of Chip Kelly’s team. This is his third year at the helm of the Eagles, meaning he has had three drafts, and his backfield now consists entirely of guys he traded for. He is basically doing the exact opposite of his city’s hardcourt counterpart. While Sam Hinkie keeps trading for more picks and more assets, essentially keeping his job secure with marketing as his team remains in purgatory; Chip Kelly has started to move his – and I swear this wasn’t intentional – ‘chips’ into the middle of the table. He isn’t exactly all in, but he’s pot committed at the very least. It has to be refreshing for Philly fans.
I’ve been a fan of Chip Kelly’s since he was with Oregon, and it pains me that he is coaching the Eagles. But it is really cool to see him just try and implement his philosophy at the pro level. It definitely takes guts to make the moves he’s made. McCoy might be burnt out, but he might not. You know who might be burnt out…? The guy who had over 400 touches last year that Chip Kelly traded for to be his starting running back.
I think Chip has a plan though. I think Ryan Matthews and Darren Sproles are both going to get time, and the Eagles will have themselves a fluid running back situation where, hopefully, no one gets worn out or injured (the injured bit is only 95% directed at Matthews). I wouldn’t be surprised if Chip has two, or even all three of them on the field at the same time. Don’t think he didn’t get a few ideas watching Ohio State play Monday night.
The Falcons are a different story. They’re a team I feel like should be better than they are/were last year. At least they should’ve been good enough to win a division whose champion finished with a 7-8-1 record. When a team feels like they should be better than they are, I assume they have problems on their offense line, and other problems on defense. I say this because when I think of the Falcons I think, “Matt Ryan, Julio Jones, Roddy White, solid running game.” That seems like it should work. But not every team took offensive lineman in the first round of the draft for three years like the Cowboys did – although after last year I expect that will probably change. The offensive line actually improved on their 2013 numbers last year, allowing 31 sacks opposed to 44. But, since Ryan entered the league, these are his sack totals: 17, 19, 23, 26, 28, 44, 31. That’s a trend going in the wrong direction if you’re a Falcons fan.
The Falcons have one of the easiest schedules in the league because they’re division is so weak, and they get to play the AFC south, which means a meeting with the Titans, Jags, and Texans – not to mention a game with the Washington professional football team. There is a track for them to finish with a strong record. It will basically come down to whether or not they can take care of business in their own division. I have a good feeling about them this year, and I think they are going to get things started on a positive this Monday night.
MINNESOTA (-2.5) at SAN FRANCISCO
The Vikings are going to make the playoffs this year. Adrian Peterson and Teddy Bridgewater are going to be so happy to have each other. Remember the last time Adrian Peterson had a skilled quarterback? That team made it to the NFC Championships game. I’m not saying they are going to do anything that drastic – although how cool would it be to see Teddy take the Vikes that far?! But, they are poised for a strong year. They landed Mike Wallace and Bridgewater already has a rapport with Charles Johnson. If Teddy improves as people think he might, this tandem could become one of the best in the league.
It’s not hard to see them being successful. They were below average last year, and this year they get the best running back of this generation back – not from injury, mind you. The defense in Minnesota is led by a strong secondary and good offense helps your defense.
As the Vikings ascend the ranks in the NFC, they’ll have to keep from blinking if they want to catch the red and gold blur of the 49ers whizzing down past them.
Is this the most bizarre offseason a team has ever had? Half of their linebacking corps retired, one after his promising rookie campaign. They signed Torrey Smith because… they could… I guess? Maybe they’ll prove me wrong and Carlos Hyde will take the league by storm and be the 2015 fantasy MVP. Barring that sort of performance, I see the 49ers taking a dive to the bottom of the California football pile. Congrats, Raiders fans!
:::
If you’ve made it this far, I am thoroughly impressed, and I sincerely thank you. If I knew I was going to sit down for five hours and write this after my dad texted me a picture of his office picks, I would’ve asked him to get me those a little sooner. It’s weird the things that just spark that creative part of your mind.
I hope everyone out there is as excited as I am for football season to begin. Starting this Thursday, there will be NFL football every week until the Super Bowl when the Giants beat the Patriots…. I mean, it has been four years. Not only that, this year I can already picture the game summary:
“Led by a heroic performance from quarterback Eli Manning, the Giants beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl for the third time in the past 10 years. Not only did Eli throw for 400 yards and 3 touchdowns, but, after a rash of injuries decimated the Giants secondary, Manning played nickel-back and shut down Patriots star tight end Rob Gronkowski to the tune of 1 catch for 9 yards. Manning also returned an interception for a touchdown, and when he got to the endzone, he noticed the ball was a little flat. He kept that to himself though. What a class act.”
How did that bit about the ball being a little flat end up in the game summary? Maybe it’s less game summary and more Eli’s journal, in which he writes about himself in the third person.
It would be absurd if something like that happened. No self-respecting analyst or pundit would put the Giants in the Super Bowl this year. But for fans, right now, on the Christmas Eve of the NFL season, anything can happen. Every team is tied for first. Every fan, of every team has a small part in their mind that says “well if everything breaks perfectly for us…” And for one team, at the end of the season, that will be what happens.
Lemmen's Nursery 
